thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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