By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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