Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
