so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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