Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize