Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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