I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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