so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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