i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
