you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
be right there i have to get my cape
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
