Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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