Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
