3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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