The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
