So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
