with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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