Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
