I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
