I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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