i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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