Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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