If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
