did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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