last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Panties = found
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
