We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
