I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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