Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
