I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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