I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
