Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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