Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
