I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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