it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm always down for nudity.
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