I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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