That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
