She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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