How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
