someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
