just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
