Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
