Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
