Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
