Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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