can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
