remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize