i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
