it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
