you guys were way drunker than both of me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
