I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The uberlube is also flammable
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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