i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
