she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize