Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
