Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
