Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
