So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
