Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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