Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i think my cat just said my name.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
