I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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