I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
