you traded sex for a burrito?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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