we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
