so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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