OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
one two three fourrrrnication!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
