just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
