dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize