pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
