The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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